Friends I Have Known
by EternallyBrianKrakow
Summary: Traveling on a three year voyage through the veil seems like it'll be the ultimate test in growing up for the kids and the trolls. More Importantly Karkat will need to do some growing on his own now that he's just lost his Moirailbro for life. (First fanfic/sadstuck, please leave comment and thanks for reading guys.)
1. Chapter 1

Even though everyone constantly asked where Gamzee had wandered off to shortly after Dave and Rose joined them on the meteor no one had really bothered to look except Karkat. It wasn't that they weren't worried about him it's just that no matter how much you care about someone you can't completely forget the vision of your friend's dead bodies to disappear. Even if the person who killed them is just as good a friend; and in some cases even more of a friend than the ones he killed.

After what seemed like the third day Karkat finally saw Gamzee near the rear of the meteor, sitting very close to the edge.

Initially he hesitated, not sure how his friend was going to react to him, but once he stepped forward and caught the look of pain on Gamzee's face he felt guilty for fearing him.

"Hey" he sat down slowly next to him careful not to get as close to the edge.

"Hey…" Gamzee's voice came out slow and barely audible over the sound of the others chattering in the background.

For what seemed like ever the two didn't speak and Karkat beat himself up internally for not knowing what to say and worried that if he didn't say something to reassure his best friend soon Gamzee would probably throw himself over the edge from grief.

Gamzee clutched at the front of his shirt and barely breathed trying to think of some words of justification to say to what was surely his only friend.

"Gamz' I- Karkat stumbled over his words

"You don't have to say a motherfucking thing best friend. I know you're trying to make me feel better but see I don't deserve that kind of peace. Peace is for people that did something fucked up and couldn't stop or couldn't help it. "

"Look dude you weren't yourself-

"Then who was I? Nobody was forcing my motherfucking hand Karkat. I...I killed all the little sis's and Bro's that helped make my life a fucking miracle. And I took away theirs. "

Rogue tears had started to stain Gamzee's cheeks and shirt causing the last bit of face paint to fray and run and ultimately making him look more frightening. Karkat tried to scowl his way through a sob bubbling up but failed and hoped no one heard it.

He wiped quickly at his face and put his hand on Gamzee's back trying to get a grip on the wavering in his voice.

"It was an accident."

"No, me not being culled was a motherfuckin' accident." Gamzee sighed shaking Karkat's hand off of him.

"Don't say that!" Karkat yelled; glad to have a reason to replace his pain with anger.

"I just want to say that if we get to go into this new session, I want to stay here." Gamzee's expression hardened as he turned to face his friend.

"What the fuck? There's no way we'd leave you here!"

"I already made up my motherfucking mind a long time ago Kar so don't try and make me change it."

"Gamzee nobody is blaming you out there, no one is blaming you for anything, so when we go into the new session you are going and that's the end of it!" Karkat yelled.

A flash of anger over Gamzee's face startled Karkat and before he knew it his friend was grabbing him by the front of his shirt.

"DONT YOU THINK I KNOW HOW THEY LOOK AT ME!? DONT YOU THINK IM SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW WHEN PEOPLE CAN SEE THE MOTHERFUCKING MONSTER IN ME!?" He screamed.

Karkat tried to remain angry as Gamzee released him but failed as he saw his rage melt into the now quick, quiet sobs he was releasing into the crook of his arm so no one could hear it.

Despite everyone now starting to stare at the two of them Karkat reached up and hugged Gamzee as if it was the last thing he was ever going to get to do.

"Let's just go and talk to everyone, let me show you that it's okay." Karkat said slipping out if their embrace and dragging him towards their group of weary looking friends.

Gamzee walked behind him reluctantly at first; sure of the reassuring half smile on Kanaya's face but suddenly in the crowd he swore he saw the face of Tavros beaming up at him and it broke something inside of him forever. Something he knew he could never get back.

"Someone actually loved me once, _me _motherfucker and I soiled it." He muttered to himself. Once he saw Tavros's face disappear he froze because he knew what he really needed to do to make it right to Tav, and everyone else.

Karkat turned around in confusion when he realized Gamzee had stopped walking behind him. Searching his face for a sign of what was wrong Gamzee just shook his head and whispered

"I'm so motherfucking sorry"

Karkat walked towards him ready to hug him and reassure him that everything was fine

"What? Why I thought-

Before Karkat could finish Gamzee used his last little bit of strength to jab a knife Dave had lent him days earlier into his chest.

The group gasped and Karkat held onto Gamzee as his body started to sink to the ground.

"OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD, GOD DAMMIT GAMZEE! WHY DIDNT YOU JUST...FUCK! SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE HELP ME! HOLD ON GAMZEE! WHY couldn't you…why couldn't you just wait...?" His voice trailed off as he sobbed.

Karkat's yelling ceased the moment he looked down and saw the abundance of violet blood spilling all over his lap.

No one else moved except Terezi to throw her arms around Karkat's shoulders. And no one said anything because they loved him, but a deep down part of them could not lie and say that seeing Gamzee's blood spilt in place of their friends and didn't somehow feel just.

Karkat shook Terezi off and buried his face into Gamzee's hair and sobbed until he was nearly hysterical with grief.

Karkat could do a lot of things, he could be a great leader and he could certainly be a good friend. Karkat could even let his guard down enough to admit he was wrong or that he was afraid or when he was sorry

But to let go of his best friends body growing colder by the second; that is something he wasn't sure he could ever do.


	2. In saying goodbye-Chapter 2

The day after Gamzee died hardly anyone laughed or smiled enough to let it reach their eyes, even Dave seemed restricted in his usual banter and just sat quietly with Terezi trading drawings back and forth and occasionally letting out a small laugh in response to her teasing. Kanaya and Rose spent a lot of time researching and trying to stay busy, everyone else seemed to scatter to various corners without much of a word. This game had provided a lot of things for which they were grateful; it provided a new life one that seemed to be riddled in more consequences than rewards, new found strengths, new friends, even for some a new place to call home, and for some a chance at a real family.

So why then did this death feel brand new? Sure they had all lost someone before whether guardian or lusus', but seeing it up close, seeing someone you care about suffering felt new and raw, and real.

After Gamzee died Karkat sat motionless cradling the head of his lifeless moirail and staring into space. The rest of the group finally gathered to talk about what they we're going to do about their friend.

Kanaya sighs heavily "Look, I think somebody just needs to walk over and carefully detach Karkat from Gamzee, or-

"You know that 33very t1me anyone33 s4ys 4nything to h1m h3 just says '1'm not ready." Terezi whispers over Kanaya.

"I think we need to face the fact that he's never going to be ready. I think the only person who can talk to him is you Terezi; I think you're the only one whose opinion matters to him." Rose interjects.

They all nod and look over at Terezi who immediately starts to tear up behind her glasses. Things had been really hard for Karkat as it was since they got there because of the awkwardness of their split. She had tried to remain her ordinary charismatic self in spite of how her closeness with Dave causes Karkat so much pain.

There are some things that are easy, like flipping coins, interrogating rogue scalemates, and drawing wicked pictures of the very cool Dave Strider but then there's facing Karkat and telling him to move on when even you can admit that he still tugs at your metaphorical heartstrings as often is the case when it comes to a first love.

"Well?" Kanaya raises an eyebrow after a moment when Terezi doesn't move.

"1 C4NT." her voice comes out small and waivers from tears threatening to fall, but she couldn't do that, not in front of Dave.

"But he's not going to listen to anyone else, I mean I could give it a go but I'm sure we would just end up fighting." Dave shrugs.

Terezi shakes her head and looks away from them as she tries to hold it together.

"Please? Do it for Karkat, or do it for Gamzee, but we all know it can't be anyone but you." Kanaya quips.

Using the back of her hand to wipe her face Terezi stands up and walks over to Karkat. By the time she reaches him it was decided she would try to do it in a swift way that could be done if she just turned her emotions off. Unfortunately by the time she was standing right behind him this plan fell apart, and she decided to just be real with her former matesprite instead of treating everything like a game.

"K4RK4T?" she placed one hand on his shoulder to get his attention.

"HEY…" he sounded far away.

"K4RK4T, 1 TH1NK... TOD4Y W3 H4V3 TO L3T G4MZ33 R3ST." she sat down close to him trying to ignore the smell of Gamzee's dried blood on his clothes.

"IM NOT READY." he replied blankly.

Starting to feel the tears prickle up again she put her hand in his.

"1 KNOW, 1M NOT R34DY Y3T 3ITH3R, BUT K4RK4T, YOU H4V3 TO L3T G4MZ33 SL33P NOW OK4Y?"

She couldn't hold it in anymore, she clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle the sound of the sob fluttering up from inside. In this moment and even in the future she knew that no matter what she did it would never be as hard as this.

After a moment Karkat's stone expression cracked and he covered his face with his one free hand and broke down. Terezi rubbed his back and fought through the lump in her throat while she wiped her moist lenses off in her shirt.

"I CANT, OH GOD I CANT, I DONT...HOW CAN I? HE'S MY BEST FRIEND." he doubled over, his body quaking from silent sobs.

"1'LL G1V3 YOU 4 MOM3NT TO S4Y GOODBY3." She stood and only got a few steps away from him before she collapsed on her hands and knees and had to be helped by Dave back to group to wait for a chance to remove Gamzee's body which was growing stiffer.

Karkat managed to pull himself together so that he could quiet his sobs against the backdrop of the group whispering about him.

He looked down at the face of his friend, calm, peaceful and most definitely deceased.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME GAMZ? YOU KNOW I DONT HAVE ANYONE ELSE IN THIS FUCKING WORLD BUT YOU, AND YOU LEAVE ME TOO?"

For one hallucinatory moment he imagines Gamzee's eyes fluttering open and a smile spreading across his face.

"Bro, I would never go up and all leave you like that. Okay, I did leave but that doesn't mean we can't still talk and it doesn't mean we aren't moirailbro's for life."

"I DONT THINK I CAN LET GO."

Hallucination Gamzee cocks his head to the side, "But, our friends are waiting for me brother. I have a date with Tavbro to drop some mad rhymes even, but I won't go if you don't want me to."

Karkat half smiled imagining Gamzee and Tavros rapping back and forth with each other.

"WOULDNT WANT YOU TO MISS THAT." he smirked.

Hallucination Gamzee's face lit up.

"Maybe, maybe someday we all will be there, I know you won't admit it but you can probably lay down some wicked flows, probably even better than me. That would be a true motherfucking miracle." he laughed.

Karkat smiled back but it wouldn't have looked convincing to anyone watching.

"IM GOING TO MISS YOU A LOT; MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE. YOU AND SOLLUX ARE THE WORST BEST FRIENDS EVER, DYING ON ME AND WHATNOT" he sniffed and wiped at the corners of his eyes.

Gamzee's hallucination just smiled and reached over to hug him before standing up and joining the just as hallucinatory group of his dead friends waiting for him.

"ByE KaRKaT." He smiled and they all disappeared.

He took a couple of deep breathes and leans down to plant a kiss into Gamzee's hair before lifting his heavy body off of his lap.

Everyone was surprised to see him moving after sitting there for so long and after seeing him stumble trying to pull Gamzee's body over to where all their other friends bodies had been Terezi stepped forward to go and help him but Dave grabbed her arm sensing she was still a little too weak to go forward.

"I'll go." he nods at her and helps Karkat sit Gamzee in an upright position against an opposing wall.

"THANKS." He says after a moment.

Dave just nodded and waited for further instructions; trying to be supportive for once because he knew that he would have wanted someone there to help him in his final moments with his bro.

"IM GOING TO TAKE HIM WHERE OUR OTHER FRIENDS ARE, I JUST...I HAVE TO DO THIS FIRST." He bends down to reapply Gamzee's face paint from a small canister he kept in his front pocket.

"I KNOW YOU FEEL NAKED WITHOUT IT." He said as he finished up the last few touches. He stared hard at his friend and realized that he owed everything to him. Now that Gamzee wouldn't be able to enjoy their reset session (should they ever reach it) he realized he owed it to him to live that life without restraint; if for nothing more than to honor their fallen friends.

Taking his cue, Dave helped carry Gamzee's body to a small corridor in the back of the meteor where they had placed the other dead trolls. Dave waited outside to let Karkat have a moment to himself.

Karkat put Gamzee beside Nepeta knowing no matter what kind of afterlife he was in at least he would be among friends.

"I love you guys. I always did." He whispered.

He paused and looked over their faces one last time and slowly raised a hand in goodbye before turning off the light.


End file.
